it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
