Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
