I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
