He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
