i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's like a pop up book from hell.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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