I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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