I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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