I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
