I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
