New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
