Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
