so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
