i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
