I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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