theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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