i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
