So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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