Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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