need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
