I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
