That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I am morally bankrupt
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
