Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
