We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
