Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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