Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
