I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
