my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
