No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
