She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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