and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
