I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
