she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
