Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
