from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
