the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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