My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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