grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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