Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
