I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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