im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
