May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
