This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
