So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
