I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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