I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This baby is an asshole
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
