i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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