I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
