You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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