How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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