When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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