Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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