Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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