I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
