Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
