i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
