So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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