I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
