ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
