i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize