you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
