Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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