I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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