Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
