Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
