We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
